To be from the western world and fair skinned is to be
beautiful and successful. This is the message that’s being fed to many Asian, Caribbean and developing countries.
Racism is something we are all acutely aware of, from the
historic days of slavery through to more recent struggle for equal rights. However politically we are aware of the injustice, its blatant
presence in consumerism and marketing have been brushed over. Why are huge
multi-national companies able to get away with indoctrinating populations in
poorer countries into thinking a lighter skin tone is a way of achieving more
in life? That having darker skin is a disadvantage that can be ‘fixed’ by
shelling out money on skin lightening lotion and potions.
The harmful message is; to use strong and damaging
chemicals to achieve a lighter skin-tone of the west and in return reap success
with a happier, more successful life, than your darker-skinned relatives.
That's the message being pumped into the homes of millions of households in
predominantly darker skinned countries.
Vybz Kartel before and after
Huge conglomerate Unilever, best known for their soap
brand, Dove, is one of the key drivers of skin lightening products in
developing countries. In the UK,
they placed huge weight on natural beauty, with their EFFIE award winning Real
Beauty campaign in 2008. The TV advert depicted every different kind of woman’s
figure and shape being beautiful in a non-commercial natural state. Women of
every shape, colour and size championed for their new found confidence thanks
to Dove.
In stark contrast Unileaver have set a completely different
agenda for their Asian market, marketing products for men and women to lighten
their skin to achieve a more ‘beautiful completion’.
Unilever’s line of skin products Fair and Lovely provides
women with the option to make their skin lighter to attract marriage proposals
and supposedly attract love. This inherent racism goes way back; lower-caste
Hindus are usually darker and upper-caste Hindus usually lighter. Having
lighter skin indicated wealth, and not having to work out in the fields under
the sunlight. Many Asian families request to see the bride to be before marriage
arrangements are confirmed. Or request for higher dowries are requested from
the brides family with darker skin.
One Unilever 2008 TV
advertisement even equated fairness with love: "Shottikarer phorsha, ujjol
tauk . . . shottikarer bhalobasha" (truly fair, bright skin . . . true
love). An extremely harmful statement to women and society as a whole,
condoning racial-consumerism supremacy.
Unilever are not alone in marketing the ‘white is best’
stance. In 2008, L'Oréal went a step too far when
they digitally lightened RnB star Beyonce Knowles skin tone. Beyonce whose
parents are African-American and Creole was shot for fashion magazine Elle
sporting strawberry blond hair and fair skin. The Féria/blonde hair colour in
the advertisement was explainable. L'Oréal responded; "It is categorically untrue that L'Oréal Paris altered Ms.
Knowles' features or skin tone in the campaign for Féria hair color,"
Eric Deggans, chairman of the
media-monitoring committee of the National Association of Black Journalists,
said Beyoncé's "skin is lighter [in the Elle ad] than the way I'm used to
seeing her".
The Time magazine saga of 1994,
again used skin tone. This time to darken OJ Simpsons mugs hot, to make him
look more sinister and threatening while on trail for murdering his wife.
Newsweek and Time both ran the mug shot as the cover story, however the
darkened shot caused outrage amongst civil rights groups.
Matt Mahurin who manipulated the police
photo of OJ said; "wanted to make it more artful, more compelling."
The risks of using skin-lightening creams are hidden in
amongst a long list of ingredients. However there is one significant chemical
that is particularly damaging; hydroquinone.
The chemical is described as being a severe skin irritant and a possible
cancer-causing carcinogen. People using hydroquinone-containing cosmetic
products have been found to have unusually high levels of mercury, causing the
chemical to be banned in the use of cosmetics in Japan,
the European Union and Australia.
However, if there is demand for these products, like anything made illegal,
there is a black market. There are numerous natural ingredient skin creams that
use other ingredients to lighten the skin by reducing the levels of Melanin in
the skin. However this can be dangerous as it leaves the skin more venerable to
UV rays from the sun, and in turn raising the risk of skin cancer by direct
sunlight.
Damage caused by bleaching creams
The production of skin lightening products by any large
corporation is irresponsible and short sighted. The long term affects will cause
a huge number of poor, disadvantaged people to cause damage to their there skin
beyond repair, trying to gain a similar complexion to western countries. It
also embeds the feeling of inferiority through lack of media representation and
racial hierarchy. The money hungry antics of these companies have shrouded the
racial supremacy undertones and colonial mentality. This form of ‘buy in’
self-hate for purely cosmetic reasons puts the buyer both at greater health
risk and financial strain while they strive for the same opportunities of
lighter complexioned race members. Continuing to promote light skin success on
TV and commercials will continue to perpetuate the problem.
On the reverse side is the huge market for tanning booths
and machines. The obsession the west has with looking tanned and darker has
been going on for decades. Helped along by tanning shops and dirt cheap
pricing, bringing a whole host of medical dangers. Numerous studies have
clearly stated the effects of prolonged exposure to UV rays and its links with
skin cancer. Yet people are willing to take these risks in order to go a few
shades darker. Still knowing the harmful effect of UV rays, hundreds of
thousands of men and women opt to step into booths for that sun-kissed look.
More recently spray tans have been appealing for the summer look without the
price tag.
So the debate will trundle on and and no doubt people will
continue to lighten and darken in the name of fashion and trend.
For years I've watched in wonder the legend that is D'relle Khan. I've been entertained many a time in the club trying (and failing) to copy the way he dances. His confident professional dance moves have been lighting up the stage (and the club) for many years! I was so happy when he agreed to answer my 10 questions. He was born and raised in east London (like me) and is now happily engaged. Without further adieu (or preramble) here's D'relle's 10 questions
What is your background?
I was born
and raised in East London. For the years I did live at home I was raised by my
mother, step dad and grandparents.
Have you always wanted to be a dancer?
Yes! I had a lot
to say but wasn’t always confident. Dance was my way of making people listen.
How did you go about learning your craft?
I studied
different techniques and styles from street to ballet and various choreographers who I was interested in such as Bob Fosse
(Chicago,Sweet Charity) and developed me.
Have you faced any discrimination in your career?
I wouldn’t
say I faced any for being black but I was bullied severely for being gay.
i've been stabbed and beaten. Though that hasn't ruined my sense of freedom in my career. I'm lucky to not only have the opportunity to express myself but to help others develop and express themselves too.
What has been the highlight of your career so far?
I would say
the World Music Awards. Working with Chris Brown and Lavelle Smith Jr (world
renowned choreographer), meeting the Late and great Michael Jackson, Beyonce and
so many more amazing artists.
If you couldn't dance, what would you do instead?
I would
definitely work in the creative field or helping people in some way. As well as
dancing, I was working for the NSPCC (Child abuse Charity).
What are your current projects?
I am
choreographing for a lot of the major groups around the UK,
Just finished
filming with video with Jessie J and Little boots.
Any future events we should look out for?
Planning an
event with a major company combining all aspects of UK Talent all under one
roof. Working with some more artists and developing more dancers, models and
artists.
Do you teach?
At the moment
i'm only working with different companies as well as my own and a few master
classes in and around London.
And finally, what do you think is the biggest issue facing gay people of colour?
Acceptance within our own
community and from our families. It seems that being gay and of colour the
issues we face are magnified and rather than have support because of our
choices, we are often mistreated.
There’s always a lot of expectation when you board a plane to go on
any holiday. The attractive possibility that being in a new place you’ll
feel freer, more relaxed and have more fun is definitely alluring. A
mental break from whatever is going on in your life and a different
perspective (with the distance that being on the other side of the world
affords). It often takes a lot of planning and not to mention money to
travel. Some people work all year for a two week break away after all
and this was definitely a much-needed break for me.
I decided to
go to Vietnam because when I met travellers while staying in hostels in
China they always mentioned it as one of their favourite places they
had visited. I also had a friend teaching in Ho Chi Mnh who came to stay
with me in London for a few nights so it seemed like a good opportunity
to see what it was about and catch up with her. Learning from past
mistakes, or so I thought I booked a GAP tour through STA travel lasting
12 days and taking me from Ho Chi Mnh to Hanoi stopping off at Nha
Trang, Hoi An, Hue, Halong Bay and Hanoi. The tour sounded like it would
be fun and was advertised as being with a group of people my age. My
trip would end in Bali where I would catch up with another friend for a
week.
I arrived in Ho Chi Mnh formally Saigon at about 10am in
the morning. I came out to a crowd of people waiting for their loved
ones and taxi drivers holding signs for this person or that person. A
barrier held them back with an opening at the end and I made my way
through this. It became clear that jeans weren’t really appropriate
clothing for this climate. I was given directions from my friend to find
a woman in traditional clothes that would give me a card and put me in a
taxi, so I ignored the endless offers from others. I found a woman
wearing a yellow dress with a purple sash who did as I was told to
expect. She ignored my questions of how much? Does the taxi have a
meter? She appeared to be more interested in her phone and I was tired
enough to let it pass. After having been in Asia before I knew this was
suspicious. I showed the taxi driver the address I had scribbled down
and sat back as we drove through the busy streets, motorbikes everywhere
and nodded off here and there. The prevalent colour of that journey
was a dusty yellow. When I arrived at my friends apartment on a road to
the right of a bridge in district 1 I was told I was charged double but
was really charged triple. You should only pay 100,000 for a taxi from
the airport, the equivalent of about £3. Getting ripped off is something
you’ll get used to. Always half any price offered as a rule.
That
day we just watched a strange drama starring David Tennant and the
brunette from Scott and Bailey with a work colleague of hers from
Sydney. While sitting in my friend’s lavish apartment paid for by the
teaching company she worked for I mused on the quality of life in
London. We later went to a very expensive (by Ho Chi Mnh standards)
restaurant in the district. On Sunday my friend went to work and it
rained all day. I took the opportunity to do some work for a music
events internship I had recently taken on. I finally ventured out after
my friend had come home exhausted and was about to head to bed. I was
reminded of the long hours at the weekends when teaching abroad and
partly remembered why I had given it up and returned to London. I
managed to find myself in the backpacker’s street at about midnight
walking in my hoodie in the rain. I booked a tour of the Mekong Delta
for 7.30am the next morning and left a note for my friend.
The
tour was eventful; I held a python and travelled down the river in
little flat boats rowed by ladies wearing the traditional thimble hats
and barefoot. There was a big community living on the riverbanks in
makeshift homes and hammocks their only source of income tips from
rowing foreigners down the river. Often during tours in Asia you are
shown a process or told about one, honey product making, coconut candies
and at the end you are invited in Vietnam or pushed in China to buy buy
buy. This tour was no exception and ended with live music with fruit
and tea for all with a nice tip basket to go round at the end
It felt like I went out for a lot of expensive meals in the
first few days, eating western food, which is usually what the more costly
places have on the menu. I went to the restaurant that Brangelina went to on
their fairly recent trip to Vietnam to show their adopted son where he was
from. Young graduates which go and teach abroad can afford to eat out every
night in the same restaurants as movie stars when they wouldn’t be able to get
a job in Tesco’s at home let alone have their own place. This is the appeal of
Asia and something that made me feel a little uncomfortable when I was living
in China at 22 in an apartment that could house a family. A British passport is
a valuable thing especially when you have a degree and very little work
experience.
I also visited the War Remnants Museum in Ho Chi Mnh on my
final day with my friend. She drove me
over there on her motorbike, which again highlights the freedom and
independence on offer in Asia.
It became apparent very early on in my trip how one sided
and uninformative Museums in Communist Countries can be. The museum was meant
to educate about the Vietnam War but it had no background information at all.
The first floor can be summarised by the sentence, the whole world protested
and wanted to help us. The second floor, the Americans tortured us, look at all
the horrible things they did. The third floor, the Americans have contaminated
our country with Agent Orange, look at all the people that have been born
Orange Victims. Agent Orange was part of
the herbicide warfare carried out by the U.S. in the Vietnam War from 62 -71
and got it’s name from the orange barrels it was shipped in. It contained an
incredibly toxic dioxin compound. The pictures in the exhibition were very
difficult to look at but it did appear to me that they just collected pictures
of every person with a disability in the whole country. Are people with cleft
lips Orange Victims?
I arrived at the joining hotel late after saying my goodbyes
to my friend and later bundled my suitcase into a taxi. I was met by a bunch of
grinning people, one British Girl, three Germans (a couple and their brother)
and an American Girl. A bit later that evening I had my introductory talk with
the tour leader who told me she was hoping I would be loud and crazy. After me
responding ‘well maybe, after a couple of drinks’ followed by a brief laugh she
told me that no one in the group had been drinking and suggested I introduce
alcohol to the group. To say I was apprehensive about 12 days with these people
was an understatement.
I immediately got on well with the British girl from Harrow
(of all places) and it sounded like she had already got all the gossip on me from
the tour leader anyway. I had joined the
tour in the second week it seemed and she was desperate for someone to have fun
with. Trust me to go to Vietnam and befriend someone from down the road! I was
aware that these people had had some time to bond and I wasn’t sure if I could
dramatically change the dynamic. In a
nutshell, the Germans kept to themselves and were otherwise polite. The
American girl seemed to have a real issue with me after the introductory dinner
and dismissed my attempts to engage with her by making faces that would
indicate a fly was buzzing around her head.
I didn’t let it bother me but the girl from Harrow brought it up when
the American jumped down my throat when I offered we tan because our skin is
recovering and damaged by the sun. I have my theories about this girl. She would not have looked out of place at the
Candy Bar, always dressed very casual and quite tomboyish. She also lamented
the fact that she’d left all her ‘nice clothes at home’ when it was time to
dress up. I’m sure I’ve used that excuse before! Her rather rude and dismissive
behaviour towards me could be explained if she fancied me and didn’t quite know
how to deal with it. You never know what’s going on in people’s heads. I’m
really not the big-headed type but her behaviour was just so bizarre it really
got me thinking. If I was open about my sexuality on this tour I wonder how
that would have gone down…
We merged with another tour and went out for dinner with
them at one point and this girl from Holland brought up that a woman once
chatted her up. ‘Did she grope you?’ the girl from Harrow asked. It really
surprises me sometimes when you’re not out, how seemly intelligent, educated
people can make such ridiculous assumptions. Why would a woman grope you? Is
that acceptable flirtatious behaviour for a man? Well it isn’t for a woman
either and is probably unlikely to happen. It really tests your levels of
understanding and forgiveness. As a LGBT person you have to isolate this
prejudice and separate it from the person you know and like. This is quite a
mild case and could be corrected by challenging the person but when your own
Uncle says that if he has his own way
‘he would string them all up (gay people) and kill them’ uncontrollable
hysterical laughter was my only response. Anyway aside from my gay musings now
and then I saw a lot of stuff in very short space of time.
Nha Trang is a mainly a beach city and it has a few streets
of restaurants and nightlife. There is also a water park called Vinpearl. You
can also try some watersports on the beach or have a mudbath if you want to
treat yourself too.
Hoi
An is a colourful town and is famous for it’s tailoring and fashion. You can
get anything you want (even shoes) made to measure in less than 24 hours. It’s
a fashion students dream! You can choose the fabric and pick a style from
catalogues or bring in your own pictures from magazines. Just strolling around
this city you will come along nice temples and quaint bridges. The temple My
Son is also 50km away if you want to arrange a taxi to see the Angkor Wat of
Vietnam.
Hue is an interesting place. You can book a motorcycle tour
and see some scenery, visit one of the Emperors mausoleums, have lunch in a
monastery and see how thimble hats are made by a one armed lady. You can also
she the Citadel if you have the energy.
Halong Bay is very famous and a must see for any visitor to
Vietnam. You can also see the caves and go kayaking if you’re the active type.
Hanoi is a busy city; try not to get run over because the
motorbikes are the craziest here. Tip: When crossing the street just walk at a
steady pace and keep going. Don’t suddenly stop or change pace.
You can visit the Ho Chi Mnh Museum / Mausoleum before 11am
and see the late presidents’ embalmed body if you’re into that sort of
thing. You can go past the Presidential
Palace, visit Hao Lo Prison, the Army Museum or take a stroll around the old
quarter. Remember that most tourist attractions are closed on Monday and
Friday, so don’t trek down there for no reason. You can also see a Water
Puppets show if you wish.
When I left for Bali I had had enough of Vietnam, all the
haggling with the locals and the continual offers of pineapples in the street,
locals offering to give me a ride on their bikes. …It was all giving me a bit
of a headache. I stayed one night in a hostel and saw a bit more if the other
side of travelling culture. All the girls in my dorm room went out on a
pub-crawl organised by the hostel but I unfortunately had to be up at 4am to
catch my flight. This pretty much marked the end of the cultured part of my
trip.
When I arrived in Bali I managed to make my way to the
guesthouse my friend was at. The instructions from my friend were it’s called
Inada and it’s down an alley pretty much. Thank goodness I had found the number
on the Internet along with the address because the taxi driver couldn’t find
it. I got there though and found my friend in the company of his gay friend,
them both tip tapping away on gay app Grindr. He seemed very chilled out and
beardy. I also met his other friend from Argentina, who he often lovingly
referred to as Argentina when we spoke about her. He had sent me a photo of her
saying she was bisexual and I had the feeling he was trying to set me up as I
awkwardly said hello and gave her a kiss on both cheeks. I wasn’t sure what to
think when I was asked if I wanted to share the room with her and opted instead
to stay in the same room as my friend. I
had only been there 15 mins and I was already feeling uptight.
It wasn’t long until I got all the dirt from my friend about
his sexual adventures, the threesomes and other sexual encounters, this one,
that one, all with graphic details. I wasn’t sure if I really wanted to be
hearing about all this but it sounded like Thailand was sex tourism at it finest.
The gay capital of Asia and Grindr sounded like quite a helpful tool. We hit
the gay bars that night. I had no idea Bali had a gay scene but here it was in
Seminyak. There were bumper stickers in
all the souvenir shops reading ‘Jack is Gay’ ‘James is Gay’ and also penis
bottle openers and other things. At the bar there were drag queens a plenty and
I had a fairly good time after I stopped musing about my friends transformation
and new found freedom. He even posed in some tight little red gay lifeguard shorts
he had acquired and I felt a bit like I was being left behind in some way.
Anyway the night progressed and I had a few cocktails and Argentina seemed nice
enough while the boys were trying to get numbers.
We ended up there the second night but this time just the
two of us, as the bars in Cuta weren’t that great. I had seen a guy on the
beach earlier and pointed him out to my friend as definitely being gay. My
friend waved over and looked back a few times but no real response. As we
entered the bar we saw the same guy from the beach dirty dancing with a drag
queen on the bar. In the end this guy
ended up being too ‘feminine’ for my friend and he found a nice Brazilian,
which he called Ricky as he looked like a little Ricky Martin. He ended up
wanting to go back with this guy so I made my way home on my own feeling like a
completely sad individual reflecting on all my failed attempts to meet new
people. Apps didn’t seem to work the same way with women, you could be talking
to a woman for three months and they still seemed reluctant to go out for a
drink. For men everything seemed so much easier. Are men really wired
differently to women and more sexually driven? I’m not so sure. Men seemed to
spill out onto the streets from gay bars. Where were the women? At home with
their cats, at open mic nights being creative, with their long term partners
watching films? What were they doing? I actually did meet one lesbian that
night, we were chatting for a bit and then I realised she was trying to get my
email address for her mailing list. She puts on a night in Southbank
apparently! All these Lesbian entrepreneurs and their businesses eh? Thanks, if
you’re out there.
I decided to let this incident pass but when my friend left
me with a gay couple I barely knew the next night in the Gili Islands to pursue
this Canadian model I told him how I felt. He still went and we argued about it
later. I don’t think wanting to seize the moment and have fun or that you’re
really horny are ever good excuses for treating your friends badly especially
if they have come to see you for only 6 days.
The situation improved from here and we had a really good
time on the whole. There is nothing like the company of an old friend and we
always have a laugh the majority of the time. I’m not sure people knew what to
make of us. They immediately assume we are a couple naturally. My friend often plays on this and refers to
me as his wife and uses the ‘this is our honeymoon’ line to try and get a
cheaper room. Little do they know I ‘ve probably seen more penises than any
straight girl will have seen in a lifetime when he was showing me the camera
roll on his phone. Nothing happened with
Argentina and she apparently is in love with some guy. He bought her a pair of
shorts so she knows he feels the same way.
On a sleeper train from Hue to Hanoi, I was listening
to Florence and the Machine in my bottom bunk while everyone was asleep. The
train rocking gently and the light going round the small room like a zoetrope.
I suddenly realised that I wouldn’t want to be any in the world or be anyone
else but where I was at that moment. I’m not sure why but it was a mixture of
the music, what had happened previously that day and realising how lucky I am
for lots of reason; to be able to travel, to be a British citizen and have so
much freedom and to live in a great city like London. Although it’s difficult,
it’s such a vibrant city with so many creative people in it, we have the luxury
of culture and varied nightlife and so many opportunities. God knows what made
me think that on a cockroach infested sleeper train but hope
is all we really need.
We all know not all memories are good and I believe by acknowledging that fact whilst having open and honest discussions not only helps the afflicted but those who are yet to be. I'm going to be posting a series of deep soul searching poetry from the most amazing poets on the scene right now! I feel that just putting these stories out there in the form of lyrical beauty is a good thing. If only 1 person can identify it will have achieved it's purpose. The first poet in the series will be the amazingly talented Shauna O'briain founder of Lyrically Challenged an artistic space where all kinds of expression is accepted and greatly recieved. I will be doing a profile on Shauna and the Lyrically Challenged Collective soon. For now, I'll leave you with her heartfelt poem titled "Memories."
MEMORIES
The memory's of the
beatings Sting with the same sharp pain
As the wacks of the wooden
spoon,
\Pants down looking at my red bottom and thighs in the
mirror in my room,
Tears stain my cheeks so young not even 5 and
so confused,
I know I was challenging but for that extreme
punishment what did I do?
With my mum our relationship was a game
I'd always loose,
The patterns she'd learnt from her father she
was following suit,
We'd fight I'd get ignored for days,
Feeling
like there's never a solution I'd imagine cutting my wrists with razor
blades,
I didn't want evidence of home disfunctions so I pushed
the feelings away
,Can't see it on the skin but emotional scars
don't fade,
When I look back I see I pushed her into many a rage
,And
wonder why I behaved that way,
Did I find love in a violent
exchange,
Was it a dance I looked to re create,
Receiving
abuse becomes a safe space?
A bite from her on my leg purple took
three weeks to fade,
From that bruise part of my physcie is
stained,
I wage on like a warrior searching for healing,
Coping
statagies and different methods of dealing,
With a history so
deep created depression and years were stolen,
More than my heart
was broken,
Feeling unlovable in every relationship,
Now I
gather wisdom looking to transform this situation like an alchemist
,Yet
in moments I feel like a piece in a puzzle that never fits,
How
do I forgive and let go,
She's dead I can't be angry at a ghost,
Yet
so many youths from round the flats were I lived
suffered similar
stories so something's gotta give,
Am I mad at the system or a
broken woman?
Getting dragged up in cities full of mind pollution,
Breaking
free living as an artist doing as I'm choosing,
I cry as I write,
the
emotions escape now With Strength to provide
Knolodge that the
past doesn't leave but we can choose to leave it behind
,Perspective
as the gift,
A smile and a tear are equal it's powerful to share
it,
Speak up and be heard,
Talk of our hurt,
No longer
bottled up in side the stories are released with freedom like the wings
of a bird,
The power of the feelings of injusticeInspire to
create a change in social conciseness,
Every man woman and child
on this planet,
Deserves freedom to live the life they want full
of happiness,
In an unbalanced society
,Instead of being
angry at the past or ourselves our stories can create unity,
Educate
one another and form loving communities,
Cause we can spiral down
and we can spiral up,
We can become pilars of loveOpen our hearts
n share hugs,
Creating new history's breaking the cycle so the
next generation is free,
Shauna Obriain
Will update this post with her social media info soon...
I had to address this issue primarily because people I hardly know keep asking me stupid questions regarding my tattoo's/piercings. I do not mind when people ask what my inspiration is for my artwork or ask me about the process-I am happy to pass that on. What I really, REALLY dislike are questions from a standpoint of judgmental ignorance. The "why did you do that to yourself" or "do you regret that" or the more comical "when you get older it's gonna get wrinkled." Gee, thanks for that, I thought when I got older my skin would simply wrinkle around the tattoo leaving the artwork completely intact (sarcasm alert.) I hate the way tattooed/pierced persons are looked down on and discrimanated against and will be writing an article about employment discrimination. For now, I'll leave you with the top 5 (though there are many more) things you should never say to inked/pierced individuals:
Did That Hurt?
Yes, indeed it did for it is not henna. It is a tattoo. Humans and animals alike have nerves and a receptor in the brain for those nerves. When the body is exposed to intense or damaging stimuli it triggers a response. This response is called-wait for it, wait for it (wait for it) pain. It is done with a needle that places ink into the dermis (the skins second layer.) It hurts-to varying degrees-but it hurts. Please refrain from asking questions you already know the answer to because it's silly. Ask yourself, "if I got a toothpick and stabbed it along my skin at high speed-would it hurt?" Yes, it would.
Why Did You Do That?
If you are asking from a perspective of intrigue and genuine wonder that's completely fine. If you are asking because you want to know why someone would want to get a tattoo then you are a fool. I don't care if you're objecting to placement, design, quality or reasoning. You are a fool. Why do you have your hair in THAT particular style? WHY have you decided to wear those trousers? Why are you under the impression that Reebok Classics are still fashionable? Asking someone why they got a tattoo is no less insulting then the aforementioned questions. Besides there are very limited answers to that question. It's either A: I wanted to B: It means something to me (that's still "I wanted to") or C: My friend does tattoo's and I'm the guinea pig (this is still "I wanted to.") THE REASON PEOPLE GET TATTOO'S IS BECAUSE THEY WANT TO. I don't care who you are you cannot go around asking perfect strangers about what they choose to do with their skin. For those of you who think it's self harm consider this. Would you go up to somebody you do not know with razor scars and ask why they did that? Not if you like your face bruise free. As people we choose to express ourselves in a variety of ways. We did not get tattooes to be scrutinised by ignorant people we hardly know. THINK.
When You Get Old They Will Wrinkle
Really? Really? I was under the impression that my tattooes were not on my skin. My answer to that question is always; "I'm aware of that." Why should this be of any importance? Is untarnished wrinkled skin a commodity? Does having wrinkled skin sans tattooes make one closer to godliness? Will having uninked wrinkled skin mean when I'm in my 80's I'll still get all the ladies? Will the fact my tattooes wrinkle (because they are on my skin) mean nobody will love me :'( ... Does it? DOES IT? Please refrain from informing us of this. We are aware of the phenomenom that is aging. We are more than happy with the fact our tatts age with us. Personally I think it has a certain charm about it. I seriously think some people believe if they stay inside society's box they are never going to die.
Do You Regret That?
Do you think I should? Why the hell have you asked me that!!?? Maybe I regret it, maybe not, but what I regret is none of your business. Someone asked me that very question about my favorite tattoo once. It's an experience I would rewind to because I was in such a state of shock all I could manage was "no." This came from a woman (at the jobcentre-where else) with multiple lip piercings-they didn't suit her, just made her even more ugly, not that I'd say that. I am a lady. I have manners. It actually broke my heart a little and for maybe 2 minutes I felt abit like crap. Then I was angry. Angry that someone would put me down just to enjoy a sense of superiority. A false sense, but all the same. Please don't say this people. It's not nice. In that little exchange I learned something quite deep about someone I hardly knew. I knew she was spiteful or at the very least thoughtless. What did she learn about me? I like tattooes in unusual places. You expose yourself when you subject people to such a judgmental line of questioning.
You Must Find It Hard Getting A Job!
If A fellow inked person asks (or just somebody I know) this I don't mind. We can discuss the issue from a socialogical standpoint and exchange information on openminded employers etc. Do not ask me this if you want to feel superior for not having tatts or to find out my employment status/opportunities. That has nothing to do with you. I don't need your pseudo concern/pity. I don't stop working. I get by. Iceland or Waitrose do not hold the key to my future (both of these places enforce a no tattoo employment policy) nor do they ever-for 1 second give me cause to regret the choices I have made with my skin. In fact, I'd rather be unemployed to look the way I do. It's a price I'm willing to pay.
Conclusion:
I could not choose ascribed characteristics such as my race or sex. I can choose how I present myself in day to day life with; piercings, tattoo's and my awesome sense of fashion. I'm a very openminded, non judgmental, clever,
creative and emotionally intelligent human being. I value not only my diversity but everyone elses. Judging people just because they have tattoo's (or because anything else) is wrong and you do not have a right to judge just because we chose to look this way. Please think before you speak because you might be hurting someone's feelings. We must have a basic respect for people no matter what. Projecting ignorance on others is not attractive.
I drip
I think of you and I drip
I cant control the pool of
wetness
Forming between my thighs
As I imagine the simplest
thing
Like just staring into your eyes
A rush of warmth to my
cheeks
My black skin can’t disguise
And with you on my mind, I
drip
I get to work and
Put my mind straight
I struggle
to concentrate
Once again my thought path breaks
I think of you
and I drip
You are not here
I wish you were
I can
almost feel you,
Hear you, smell you, I want you
My body wants
you
Oooh I drip
I want you to see me
I want you to know what
you do to me
I want you to feel what I feel
Cos this feeling is
real
Afro hair has been a very contentious issue for black women. With its
reputation for being coarse, hard to manage and unable to grow it's no
wonder that whenever I see a woman in her natural glory I
can't help but stare-it's not something I see daily. This article is not against women who are weaved/relaxed. I will be wearing wigs while I grow out my hair. Neither is this going to be an accusation that weaves/relaxed ladies only do
so because of the European standard of beauty (though I will touch upon the
historical reasons we started burning our scalps and wearing wigs in the first place.) I
want to dispell natural hair myths so you can see your textured tresses
as a beautiful and unique object of desire. I will also invite you to
follow my natural hair journey. Our hair can grow long but so many years of misinformation has meant our hair doesn't flourish. Afro hair has been the least studied so there's still so much to learn about it. Alot of us are damaging our hair for social acceptance. When are we going to reject the idea our hair isn't good enough?
Our hair is an evolutionary adaptation to our indigenous enviroments. Afro hair is said to grow outward as a defence from powerful UV rays. The comparitively lower number of hair follicles (compared to Asian and caucasian hair) allow for air to reach the scalp increasing blood circulation, regulating temperature. Afro hair texture is down to the shape of our hair follicles acting as moulds. Caucasian hair follicles are oval shaped whilst asian hair follicles are rounder producing bone straight hair. Our flatly shaped follicles press our hair into a tight curl pattern.
In Africa, hair styling had ceremonious significance. A craft passed down through generations of women. Black soap was used to wash the hair whilst natural ingredients like palm oil and shea butter were used to moisturise and dress the hair. Hair styles varied depending on your tribe, place in the family unit and position in society. One would never wear their hair in an afro as this signified; povery, loss and/or madness. The transatlantic slave trade held dire consequences for our hair care. Foreign lands lacked the tools and ingredients our hair needed to thrive. For lack of an alternative option, slaves would use sheep carding tools which lead to the spread of scalp irritations such as dandruff and lice. Female slaves with wavy/longer hair would be subject to jealousy from the masters wife and would often have to cut their hair given them a less feminine appearance. On the other hand, those with finer hair textures had better social and economic opportunities, thus, in a more favorable position than those with kinkier hair textures. By the 19th century slaves were granted Sunday to attend church and socialise. At this time hairstyling once again became an integral part of the culture. It was also in the 19th century natural afro textured hair was virtually outlawed in New Orleans. Ladies with kinkier textures had to cover their hair with a scarf whilst in public. The societal rejection of afro textured hair culminated in Garrett Augustus
Morgan's (the 11th child of former slaves) accidental discovery of a chemical that straightened the texture of hair. The chemical was discovered in Morgan's attempt to invent a liqiud to lubricate needles in sewing machines. He wiped his hands on a wool cloth, noticed the effect and "Morgan's hair refining cream" was born. This spawned a multi million dollar industry.
We now know that a product (like modern day hair relaxers) that penetrates through to the corticle layer (where the hair contains its strength and elasticity) altering it's structure is liable to lead to damage/breakage. But there are other less obvious ingredients on the market that strip our delicate hair type. I've listed a few below:
Sodium (lauryl, laureth, laurel) Sulphate
This ingredient is in over 90% of foaming products. It strips afro hair of essential natural oils, leaving it dry, brittle and vulnerable to breakage. Sodium laurel sulphate is used in products such as; car washes and engine degreasers. Not the best ingredient for hair that needs gentle handling to thrive. Try using a sulphate free shampoo. If you want to splash out there's Carols Daughter Black Vanilla Moisturising shampoo. If like me you're on a budget try Elasta QP Creme Conditioning Shampoo. I use it and it works wonders with my hair.
Mineral oil/Petrolatum
These ingredients act as barriers stopping moisture getting through, causing dryness. Mineral oil/petrolatum do not penetrate the hair shaft so cannot effectively moisturise the hair. Let me explain why afro hair gets so dry. The scalp produces the same amount of natural oils as other races but due to the hair texture the oils cannot effectively travel through the hair, the texture is also the reason our hair breaks and why low manipulation styles (the less combing/brushing/messing around with it-the better) help our hair grow. These ingredients (mineral oil/petroleum) clog pores causing a build up of toxins and affecting overall hair health. There are only 3 oils that can penetrate the hair shaft; coconut oil (cold pressed is the best variety), avocado oil and olive oil. Ingredients such as aloe vera juice, water or glycerine are great for moisturising too. Genuine mosisture stops hair getting brittle by helping it to retain elasticity, strength and shine. In order to help retain moisture seal it in with other oils (almond, castor, jojoba) or shea butter. In fact I've found a company "Shea Delight" (UK based) who have developed a hair cream using a blend of high grade unrefined organic shea butter with organic cold pressed coconut oil (and nothing else) for the crazy price of £5.00! Google "cold pressed coconut oil" and you'll see a little tub will set you back £8.00 so it's real value for money. My hair has been so healthy since I started using it.
This one is a blend of manuka honey and unrefined shea butter. For orders call Judith on: 07947384046 or alternatively email: info@sheadelight.com. Do not get confused that the above is a skin cream. It's great for skin AND hair.
Isopropyl Alcohol
An ingredient used in anti-freeze and hair colour rinses. It dries out afro hair making it prone to breakage. Moisture is key!
Black Girl Long Hair Style Icon
]
The civil rights era brought with it a new conciousness. The afro hairstyle became mainstream as people decided to reject colonial idea's about afro textured hair. There were some natural hair controversies when correspondent Melba Tolliver sported an afro to cover Tricia Nixon's (daughter of president Richard Nixon) wedding. The station threatened to take Tolliver off the air until the media caught on to the story. There's still debate within the black community whether wearing an unaltered hair texture makes one look unprofessional. Some ladies have been accused of making a political statement just by wearing the hair they were born with. Since the black power movement the trend for natural hair has gone through the motions. Weaves and relaxers remain ever popular. Although, this could all change. I've recently discovered natural hair is enjoying a renaissance. There are many great blogs dedicated to aiding afro haired women in gaining long, healthy hair. The support I've seen for women wanting to learn more about their hair is astonishing. Those interested in going natural or even relaxed and weaved ladies looking to get advice on a world of hair complaints are met with tons of helpful advice. I've never witnessed so much unity in the black community. Encouragement for those who feel insecure with wearing a tiny afro, other ladies exhibiting the wig they wear whilst their natural hair grows long enough to style, sharing their hair mistakes as well as their successes. Connecting black women all over the world. The "secrets" to long afro hair (amongst other things) are: Moisturising, sealing and protective (low manipulation) styling that protects the ends. Since the ends of our hair are the oldest and driest part extra care is needed to maintain them in order to retain length. Hair is a dead fibre that can only be either preserved or damaged. Growing afro hair means retaining length by hiding those ends away for a special occasion. Whether we are relaxed, wear weaves/wigs or go natural there is advice out there so we can do the best by our hair. At the bottom of this article I've included some useful links for those with natural or chemically treated hair...
Personal Hair Journey
I used to have locs but took them down a couple of years ago and abused my hair with everything-for the last time. I bleached and relaxed my hair 6 weeks ago and have now cut off all my chemically treated hair. I only discovered the hair blogs after my decision and they have been a fantastic resource. To prove my point I'm going to take a picture every 3 months for a hair growth update. I want to prove that even after years of abuse beautiful hair is attainable. So, this is where I'm at:
Miss Petra V Is a trained counsellor with many years of experience in counselling, advice, guidance, mental health and support. In addition she's lead a life you could write a book on! Miss Petra offers empathetic, honest and practical advice. No matter what your problem is Petra has the answers and if she doesn't she will point you in the right direction...
My only gay friend tried
to have sex with me?
I'm gay
and he is gay. I am really upset a lot at the moment because my family
is sort
of imploding over me being gay. My dad hates it, my mum is ok (sort of),
my
little brother’s say I am an embarrassment. My
older brother says he feels he needs to
defend me. I have only one gay friend who I tell EVERYTHING to.
Yesterday he
kissed me and I kissed him back, I suppose I don’t know why but then he
pinned
me down and I told him that was enough! He then told me to make up my
mind! I was
confused and asked, ‘About what?’ and he said ‘Everything’. I am so confused, I feel like I should kill myself
and I wish I never came out, then at least my family and friends could
have mourned
the person they loved.
Please tell me it gets better eventually as I can’t take this anymore
Response:
I would
like to say that things will get a lot better for you. Regarding your
family, I understand this is a terrible time for you. Your family may
take a
long time to get used to this or as in some cases they may not. At this
moment
they do not understand and its seems they have not been faced with this
within
the family before. This bad reaction is how they are choosing to deal
with it
for now. Your family do not understand so they are hurt, confused with
mixed
emotions and will worry about societies opinions, they may believe that
they
are thinking about you. On the plus side it is really positive that your
Mum is
somewhat ok with the fact you are gay as there is much hope that she
will
gradually be fine with it, in time she may also be able to soften this
issue
with your dad. It is great your brother feels he needs to defend you as
he
loves you.
Your friend who is gay is wrong in his whole approach, I am very
concerned with
the fact that he has held you down against your will, kissed you and
then told
you to make up your mind. This was unacceptable and you should never
expect
that from anyone. He has not acted as a friend and he has placed
unnecessary
pressure on you to go along with what he would like you to do for his
own needs
and so I can see why you feel you have no one to turn to. I understand
why you
are confused especially as you had trusted him and I empathise with you
as you
already felt alone and more so since this incident has occurred. Being
gay is
not about sex just as being any other sexuality is not either. You need
to get
away from this person. I know for now you will feel alone but it is far
better
than having a so called friend like that. You will not be without
friends
forever but just for now.
It is very sad you feel to fatally harm yourself as I am sure you have
many
people including your family who truly love you but, at the moment they
are
fixated on the fact you are gay. I do not believe you, your family or
anyone
else would be better off with you gone. You have already stated your
brother
wants to defend you so you can rest assured that he loves you too. You
have a
long future ahead and yes at times it may be rough but you will get
through it
and with the right people around you your future will be good. I would
like you
to try and think about yourself right now and what you would like for
your
future. Things will change as there is always hope and who knows you may
be
able to help someone else with the same problem in the future.
You can search online to find nationwide Help-Lines and Gay
Organisations in
and around your area. They can provide you with support, advice and
guidance
and some provide days to meet with gay people in similar circumstances
and with
those who understand what you are going through.
Take courage and be strong
Miss Petra V
Am I
Gay? Please help!
I
had just turned teen and as I am a man I had never looked at men in
this way before but then in year 7 I had a crush
on a guy. I had a girlfriend for 7 years although throughout that
time I never loved her. I don't really get boners when I see girls on
the street and I have to watch lesbian porn because if I watch
straight porn I look only at the men... I do watch gay porn (Dont
judge) and get turned on but it could be purberty, I dont get boners by
girls that
much anymore either. My ex girlfriend who I spoke about before is now
my best friend. I was thinking I could go out with her when I'm older
and
pretend I love her? I'm not a cold person like that though but, I would
if I had to. I
do find girls fit but can't get an erection with them. I'm still not
not sure if Im Gay.
Response:
You
said you had, 'just turned teen' so I am assuming you were 13-14 years
old
when you first had a crush on a boy. That is a confusing time for us all
as we
go through many emotions at that age. Hormonally, physically and
mentally we
are growing and it is a crucial time in our lives when we are truly
beginning
to mould ourselves in many ways so that did not mean you were gay.
With your past girlfriend of seven years, although it is unfortunate
that you
did not love her, there could be many other reasons for this within the
relationship as well as your sexuality. You have to take into
consideration
that you are young and wont always make the best decisions for yourself
yet.
I don't believe many men have 'boners' when they see women on the
street, this
is not abnormal and this also does not mean you are gay. I would not
judge any
person for watching Porn but bare in mind that it is not a necessity so,
if you
feel any discomfort in doing so then I would advise you not to persist
in
watching it. Some heterosexual men are turned on by watching men and
women
having sex and sometimes become more aroused by watching the man. Some
people
are turned on by same sex as visually it is appealing. There is a
difference,
as if you desire to have sex with only men and want to be in a
relationship
with solely a man then this could mean you are gay. Many Gay people find
the
opposite sex very attractive and can often see why anyone would want to
be with
that person but that gay person feels that the opposite sex is not for
them at
all. You have said, 'You don’t get boners by girls that much anymore' so
you
are saying you do on some occasions. You actually could be bi-sexual
with a
stronger preference to men or it may be that you haven’t seen as many
women
that you find attractive. I think you need to take the pressure off
yourself by
not pushing the issue of the title of being gay. You need to find out
who you
are inside and though this may take time it will be worthwhile. When we
are
young we are impressionable, our circumstances, situations, life
experiences,
social inclusions and exclusions as well as family, friends and
societies views
make up some participating factors in sculpting us. Labelling yourself
is not
the important part, knowing who you are is. I cannot tell you if you are
gay as
there are many factors, some of which you have already pointed out. I
would
advise you to be true to yourself and think about it without stressing
yourself. Going out with your ex girlfriend who is now your best friend
is not
advisable as this would be emotionally harmful for you both. Let her
have a
future of her own love life and for you to pursue your own. You already
have
said you will, 'pretend to love her' and this shows you never will. You
have to
make sure you do not punish yourself for being confused or hurt your
best
friend in the process even though it is unintentional. The great thing
about
having a best friend is that you can have them as your friend and
confidant
forever and you can always be yourself with them. You will be able to
find out
who you are with her as your friend and as someone who understands you.
You
have a great future ahead of you and much to learn about yourself.
Please take
your time and most of all love yourself for who you are right now.
Miss Petra V
My friend is avoiding me since we talked
about being Lesbians...
This school year I met a girl and
we became very good friends. Around a
month after we became friends I began to develop feelings for her
but I didnt tell her. I liked her a lot but I soon realized she did not
care for me as much as I cared for her. During a conversation we had
she
told me about a girl who used to be her friend, she found out she was
a lesbian and so stopped talking to her. I I couldn't risk not being
with her so I said nothing. Before Spring break a friend of mine (a guy)
told me that she had said she was a lesbian. I spent all Spring break
imagining things with
her, how I was gonna tell her I liked her and how much I wanted us to go
out
etc.
Anyway, after Spring break we had a really good talk where she told me
she might be a
lesbian or bisexual but she didn't want to be that way because of her
religion. I told her I
was a lesbian and also that I used to like her. She was very shocked
and told me very
clearly that there was no chance in hell anything could happen
between us.
After that conversation, we acted 'normal', pretending nothing had
happened, but I felt the tension and awkwardness between us. We
talked again because in her opinion I was being very weird and
possessive (which is the true since I like her alot and I had high hopes
for us when I found out she was a lesbian). The
thing is, she's been avoiding me ever since the second talk and I don't
know what to do. I'm afraid our friendship is
coming to an end because I just don't know how to be around her
anymore. I don't feel normal or comfortable, and I can tell she doesnt
too. I now know I love
her. The thing is that she's a *****, I mean Ive seen that she knows
how to manipulate
people and how to play with their feelings.
What do I do? Should I stop talking to her? I don't know!! Any
suggestions
please...!
Response:
Unfortunately
at this present time this friendship does not seem to be on a
good path after the first discussion with your friend disclosing to you
whether
she was either bi-sexual or a lesbian. From what you have said it seems
she may
have felt uncomfortable because you had told her you are a lesbian and
you
'used' to like her. Your friend is clearly not comfortable with what is
happening with her own feelings towards sexuality and possibly does not
feel
comfortable with you as a lesbian. Your friend had stated prior to
discussions
that she had fallen out with another friend when she found this friend
was a
lesbian. Your friend said she does not want to be a lesbian or bi-sexual
due to
her religious beliefs. I understand that because of your joy in being
told by
another friend that she was a lesbian you were more eager to tell her
about
yourself and hoped for something to come of it but, you may have
subconsciously
played down the fact that she had ended a previous friendship due to
this. You
have told her of your attraction for her and because of her own issues
she
doesn't want to be involved in this and not with someone who is her
friend.
This must be very frustrating for you both as you had to hide your true
feelings for such a long time. When you finally felt it was ok she made
you
realise that it wasn’t ok for her. For your friend this is extremely
hard as
she thought you were heterosexual and now she knows you are not as well
as the
fact that you had feelings for her. It is possible that because of this
she
cannot see how she will be able to continue the friendship without this
getting
in the way. Outside of your control your emotions for her have
progressed and this
has manifested in your self confessed possessiveness and in your opinion
'weird' actions. As you say you tried to act 'normal' but possibly in
you both
trying so hard to do this the relationship was strained even more so and
the
normal act became abnormal and not true. You have called your friend a
negative
strong word and have said, 'she knows how to play with people’s feelings
and
how to manipulate them', I would not advise anyone to attach themselves
to a
person with these characteristics, this could prove to be damaging for
you.
However, if you choose to continue the friendship you will have to take
control
of your feelings and decide if you would prefer a friendship without any
desire
and attraction for her or to not have a friendship at all. If you have
decided
that you will put your feelings of attraction for her aside and the
friendship
will mean so much more than your intimate feelings, you and your friend
need to
have another talk, you will need to be totally honest with each other
about
everything to see if you can get past and overcome what has happened and
to
continue to grow together as friends.
I wish you all the best
Miss Petra V
If you would like advice on a problem (no matter how big or small) contact Miss Petra at : Misspetrav@yahoo.co.uk...
