Funny lesbian jokes

What do you have when you've got 50 lesbians and 50 council workers?
100 people that don't do dick.

Did you hear that Ellen DeGeneres drowned? ...
She was found face down in Ricki Lake .


How many lesbians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Five. One to change it, two to organise the potluck, one to write a folk song about the empowering experience and one to set up the support group.

What did one lesbian vampire say to the other?
See you next month!

What do you call a lesbian with fingernails?
A: Single

A guy walks into a bar and orders two shots of Vodka.
The bar tender says "had a tough day?"
The man replied "yeah I found out my little brother is gay".
The next day the same guy walks in to the bar again and this time orders 3 shots of Vodka.
The bartender says "another bad day?"
The man replied "yeah i just found out my older brother is gay".
The next day the same man walks in the bar and this time orders 5 shots of Vodka.
The bartender looked at him and said "Man doesn't anybody in your family like women.
The man then replied "yeah, My wife"

I thought making lesbian friends would introduce me to a more cultured healthy way of life... Actually, they fucked me.