Star Signs by the Miscellaneous Mystic

I am the one who knows your future. Give me lots of money (premium rate phone line coming soon!) and I will reveal to you, your DESTINY! I am... Miscellaneous Mystic.

ARIES

You are a goat a ram. Not literally because goats cannot read. You have the spirit of a goat and goats are strong. Youuuu are stroooong. This week you may have cause to blink many times in quick succession. Be careful with your eye.....

TAURUS

You are a bull. You are notorious for mashing things up in the china shop. This week you will not go to a china shop nor will you break anything in the china shop. This is your destiny.

GEMINI

You like many different styles of dress. Differing modes of dress make you feel differently which is a sign of dissociative identity disorder AKA multiple personality disorder.

 CANCER

 You smile but not constantly and walk sideways from time to time. You sleep eat and occasionally drink water. You should do those things more. If you do those things too much then you should do them less.

LEO

You are not actually a lion though you have the ability to shout. You do not have a mane but you have hair. You eat meat but not raw. If you're a vegan/vegetarian then you don't. You eat salad.

VIRGO

You are a perfectionist. you'll be delighted to hear that this week you will see a perfect circle. But all is not well, you will see a shoe you love but Shoe Express don't do perfect size 5's. This will make you suicidal. http://www.samaritans.org/

 LIBRA

Your in balance your in tune, like the sun and the moon, you have a fork and a spoon and this week will be over soon. This week you are thinking of buying some slippers.

SCORPIO

You excell at mutitasking. You sit down, breathe and watch things all at the same time. How you do this is a mystery... But not to an old psychic like me. Ring my premium rate line to find out why.

SAGITTARIUS

What is a Sagit? You, you are a sagit and the more you develop as a person the more of a sagit you will be which is a life long dream for someone like you.

CAPRICORN

For a Capricorn you don't eat sweetcorn much at all, though you are partial to a corn on the cob with a little melted butter. Clover is your favorite butter. This week you will have bread at some point.

AQUARIUS

As an aquarius, you love water. So much so you try and clean yourself with it at least once every single day. Sometimes you don't even mind when it rains because it gives you an excuse to sing that song by Travis "why does it always rain on me" I know everything.

PISCES

You may be some kind of fish/human hybrid also known as a mermaid and you have a unicorn hidden in your wardrobe. It's name is Ambrosine. You are one of those people who think if you are kind enough you're never going to die.