Monday, 9 April 2012

8 Signs Your Relationship Isn't Working

 The icing on the cake?

Arguments/bad feeling last for days

Disagreements/arguments are a normal part of any close relationship. Although the ability to resolve problems must go hand in hand with that. If you find it easy to get into an argument yet difficult to get out of it, no mattter how minor, this is a sure sign the relationship is in trouble. All is not lost though. If you and your partner could agree on more effective ways to resolve things then the damage will be limited and you can go on to live happy fulfilling lives together. If not then it may be time to assess what kind of life you really want.

You no longer feel understood

There is no lonlier feeling then being misunderstood by the one who is meant to understand you the most. No matter how you sell it, they just aint buying and you're left thinking whether they ever knew you at all? This is a bad one as people in this situation often rely on manipulative tactics to get their point across. When truth loses it's effectiveness some rely on guilt tripping or the silent treatment to get that special one close but this pseudo closeness is doing the opposite by pushing you further apart. Eventually someone's gonna get sick of feeling guilty/being the bad guy. If someone doesn't understand you try and find a way to communicate that. If they still aint getting it? Maybe it's time to find someone who will. Or better still, find you again...


Were you a more confident/secure/contented person before you met your partner? If so, then why have you settled for a life riddled with doubt and insecurity? Love is the obvious motivator here. Understandably so. Love, true love is such a rare and precious thing that we will grab it with both hands in spite of the fact it's making us a person we never wanted to be. But, if we are not the person we want be when we're in love love then what kind of love is that? It's possible that it's all in your head and no matter how much your partner reassures you and displays actions again and again that you have nothing to worry about you continue to feel you're not good enough. If this is the case, seek help because being jealous/insecure is a noose around your partners neck. If you are seeing definate signs that your partner is stepping out or she makes comments that make you feel unattractive or small then talk to her about how this makes you feel. If she doesn't take heed, drop it like it's hot. Even heartbreak is better than that, why prolong the agony?

But, you haven't done anything wrong?

You cannot move an inch without her tearing a mile long  strip off your character and it isn't just PMT. It's all month long. It could be the case of what they loved about you initially they've grown to resent. They used to love that you got on well with their friends,was witty/inteligent and had banging style with a body to match. Now, all they feel is irritation and you must watch every step, word and action so not to offend. It could be the case that they're dealing with something particularly traumatic. It happens. But, if this happens systematically this could leave you feeling anxious, depressed and insecure. The worst thing about this issue is people seldom admit to feeling resentment so this problem remains hidden. A hidden problem cannot be dealt with. Try bringing the issue out of the dark if this doesn't work then maybe you should do the hiding. From them!

Intimacy is lacking/You spend more time apart

You've become more like friends, you no longer take the time to just enjoy being in love. Why not just become friends and escape the territorial restrictions that go hand in hand with a committed partnership? There is always some hope where this is concerned. Just recognizing the state of affairs can be the kick up the backside you both need to bring back the romance. However, if your efforts to reignite that spark are equivocal to flogging a dead horse then maybe it's time to really test your love by letting each other go. Not wanting to see your partner with someone else is not a good enough reason to keep it going. After all, you both deserve happiness.

Make up break up/Break up make up

Sometimes a break in a relationship can be a good thing. It gives you time to evaluate what's really important, what matters and better still how you would feel without that person. A break can often give a tired relationship a new lease of life and make you stronger than ever. However, if you do this too often you may just be chasing your respective tails. You may find that rather than having a break what you're really doing is trialing a break up. Break ups will never feel nice and in that spirit you get back together because your pain is proof that the relationship has more mileage, right? Wrong. I've seldom seen this lead anywhere but hate and bitter resentment. These relationships tend to run for roughly 2 years beyond their sell by date and the bitterness often comes from resenting the wasted time and the painful things you continued to do to one another after you knew in your heart of hearts it should have been past tense. It''s a sad day when love becomes a destructive and dark force. If who you are with is not the one, think about how your experiences will eventually rub off on the one you're meant to be with which brings me to my next point...

Shadow of the ex

She done your girlfriend wrong and now, she's doing it to you. You can't even blink in the same way without being accused of being Just... Like... Her.  You can't go out with your friends because when SHE did that SHE cheated. You can't disapprove of something because SHE disapproved of the same thing. You feel forced to explain yourself at length to reassure your partner that YOU are different. For all the folks out there who have the patience to deal with this crap, I salute you because it sure is cold walking in somebody elses shadow. As a human being you will of course display similarities to another human being particularly if you're of the same gender. Having to constantly assert that your love is pure and your motives are good is tiresome and will kill your relationship faster than Usain Bolt in a 100 metre dash...

Your not sure you're in love anymore

If you are not sure whether you're it love or not it usually means you are not. It has no meaning without the feeling and although it's hard to hurt someone you care about you are doing them no favours in the long run. You could give it time to see if you can once again provoke those feelings but if that doesn't work then you have to be cruel to be kind. Letting someone give you all their love when you don't feel the same is at best very very unfair. 

If you know anymore reasons to add to the list Sapphic Seduction would love to hear them (:

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