Tuesday, 10 April 2012

A Relationship in all But Name

 Can't let go?

We've all been there-or maybe we haven't. You've split up with your ex-who you love to bits, but, both of you know the relationship is doomed. She is still your best friend and occasionally you sleep together. You both convince yourselves it's different now because X, Y and Z but in truth, how different is it?

The relationship in all but name can be very comforting. You can rest assured that though you and your lover have parted ways you're not alone. It's the comfort blanket that in the long term can lead you to losing your best friend. The relationship status may have changed but the relationship doesn't. You still expect them to catch you when you fall and when they don't-it's like breaking up all over again

This is a common issue amongst lesbians. Our nurturing instincts don't die the moment the curtain is drawn but this often leads to complications. What about when one of you go on a date, can you truly be happy for someone you've loved and lost to move on, can either of you move on if you're still "squatting" in each others hearts? There are no clear answers. Maybe your relationship still has potential but you have to ask yourself why you had to break up in order to see it. If you know there's no hope yet want to build a (platonic) friendship, bear in mind that it's hard to build something solid on shaky ground. If you're still sleeping with an ex you are still in the relationship. The relationship that doesn't work. If you value your ex's friendship enough to want her in your life forever then let her go. Sex has a habit of ruining things and nothing great is achieved without sacrifice.

These safety net relationships make you feel loved in the here and now, but what about the future? Are you ever gonna move on when Miss nearly perfect but not quite right is still in the picture? Maybe remembering the reasons you broke up in the first place and time apart could be the liberator your not even aware you need. Hanging on to something that's broken is hoarding.

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